Monday, 28 March 2011

Email to Dan Griffin last Friday March 25th 2011


by Avenues to Recovery Inc. on Sunday, March 27, 2011 at 11:06pm

Dan it was really wonderful to meet you yesterday. Your book was a
breakthrough for me as I have spent the last 30 years figuring out how
to be a man and how to help other men embrace their masculinity. I
have had some success and the work is incredible and rewarding. Many
years ago I was similarly impressed by Robert Bly's book " Iron John"
and that was a seminal work for me. So here we are in the here and now
and I wanted to share with you.

While I was listening to you yesterday I sent my 41 year old son who
lives in England a text and asked him to make me a list of words that
described masculinity. He is used to my stuff and so dutifully and so
he answered with the following:

Real
True
Firm
Brutal
Humble
Honest
Frank
Genuine
Humorous
Patient
Caring
Nurturing
Sensitive
Empathetic
Committed
Consistent
Present
Masculine
Ugly
Brave

What is amazing about this is that he was a victim of my alcoholism
and was lost to me for 38 years as his mother and I had problems and
she basically disappeared. The impact of that was that was the trauma
that fueled my addictions. I looked for him over the years but it was
not until I was well enough in sobriety that I was ready to get on
with this and to accept it for what it was. The shame used to paralyze
and this was a story that I was unable to tell or to feel. So your
presentation yesterday was so telling on so many levels and it really
resonated. Two years ago we were able to reunite and we as two men
have been able to accept each other honestly, openly and willingly. It
has been a miracle and is one of those things where I say to myself
that I am glad that I did not leave the rooms until the miracle
happened. It has happened and "coincidently" I received an email from
Paul yesterday which read:

"So here's a mad thing. Around 2 years ago today I got an email from a
man I'd not seen in person for 38 years. A man I'd given up on ever
seeing again. My Dad, David Brown. Now, I know there is much pain and
suffering in the world today but the thing this experience has taught
me is to believe in hope. You cannot now tell me miracles don't
happen, they do and I need to thank the angels that worked to enable
this reunion"'

In thinking about the masculinity aspect of this it amazes me that
Paul has been able to work through a lot of the stuff that he must
have been left with. He has worked hard and by the grace of God he
seems not to have adopted the family male stance on addiction. He can
take it or leave it and is resilient. He was also impressed by the
Iron John book and he actually gave me his copy as we both now realize
that our reading the book was about trying to answer questions about
loss and abandonment.

Dan thanks for appearing in my life and being the next teacher that I
needed . I would love to talk to you some more as I think we can help
each other. Lets talk sometime and I can add some more meat to the
skeleton of the story that I have been able to share with you here.

Wow Dan.....thanks! Hope you dont mind my sharing but it seemed to be
so right to share especially in light of the fact that I was unable to
share any of this from 1971 - 1984 at which point I began selectively
to heal.

I understand from Crystal that she bought your syllabus which I am
really excited to look at and she and I are are going to collaborate
on way to see how we can work with you professionally in the Drug
Court in Kansas City, Kansas where my company acts as the treatment
provider.

The attached pic is self explanatory.....that was on day 1 of our
reunion in June of 2009!


David Brown, AAPS, BRI 1
Cell: 913-486-8119

I recommend "A Man's Way Through the 12 Steps".

Review
"With candor and compassion, Dan Griffin expands the power and significance of the Twelve Steps by providing a deeper understanding of what they mean to men in recovery." --Stephanie S. Covington, Ph.D., author of A Woman's Way Through the Twelve Steps

"Recovery is more than sobriety. This book is a beacon to guide men through the unique dynamics of the male experience of recovery from active addiction to early sobriety to a lifetime of recovery. This is a practical look at the power of addiction and the promise and possibility of recovery based on the experiences of men who have been through the journey. Read this book if you are a man who wants to experience the promise and possibility of healthy recovery." --William Cope Moyers author of Broken

"An excellent resource and a valuable addition to men's work in recovery." --Karen Casey, bestselling author of Each Day a New Beginning

"A wonderful guide for men that reveals how to transform pain, confusion and mixed messages into a deeper and richer sobriety through the Twelve Steps. Dan Griffin does an excellent job of laying out the special issues and dilemmas faced by men in recovery, helping them form better relationships and sort out what it means to be men of substance." --Craig Nakken, MSW author of The Addictive Personality: Understanding the Addictive Process and Compulsive Behavior

"Dan Griffin's inspiring book is a real `gut check' for all men in recovery and those still suffering. This book is a `must-read' for those of us in recovery who seek to reach our full potential through the Twelve Steps." --US Congressman, Jim Ramstad
Product Description
In A Man's Way through the Twelve Steps, author Dan Griffin uses interviews with men in various stages of recovery, excerpts from relevant Twelve Step literature, and his own experience to offer the first holistic approach to sobriety for men. Readers work through each of the Twelve Steps, learn to capitulate negative masculine scripts that have shaped who they are and how they approach recovery, and strengthen the positive and affirming aspects of manhood. This groundbreaking book offers the tools needed for men to work through key issues with which they commonly struggle, including:

difficulty admitting powerlessness
finding connection with a Higher Power
letting go of repressed anger and resentment
contending with sexual issues, whatever they may be
overcoming barriers to intimacy and meaningful relationships
Men's capacity for emotional and relational experiences is far greater than commonly depicted not only in mainstream society but also in various parts of the Twelve Step culture. A Man's Way through the Twelve Steps offers practical advice and inspiration for men to define their own sense of masculinity and thus heighten their potential for a lifetime of sobriety.

Thursday, 24 February 2011

News from the Front....comment please

The latest news from the prescription drug front is that Governor Rick Scott of Florida is looking to kill a planned statewide computer database system designed to track pain clinic abuses and "doctor shopping".
While this is surely an expensive undertaking, the lax attitude the State of Florida has on prescription drug pain clinics and pill mills is abhorrent and detrimental to our society.
Here are some facts:
IN 2007 THERE WERE ONLY FOUR PAIN CLINICS IN BROWARD COUNTY, FL. FROM AUGUST 2008 TO NOV 2009 THE NUMBER SWELLED FROM 47 TO 115, AND TO DATE THERE ARE OVER 150.
THE STATE OF FLORIDA HAS OVER 900 CLINICS STATE WIDE
THERE ARE MORE PAIN CLINICS IN BROWARD COUNTY THAN MCDONALDS.
ACCORDING TO FEDERAL DATA COMPILED BY BROWARD SHERIFFS OFFICE, BROWARD COUNTY, FL HAS BECOME THE PAIN KILLER CAPITAL OF THE UNITED STATES, FEEDING A BRAZEN BLACK MARKET SPRAWLING THROUGH THE SOUTH AND NEW ENGLAND WITH LITTLE OR NO REGULATIONS HOLDING ACCOUNTABLE PAIN MANAGMENT CLINICS IN FLORIDA, DRUG ADDICTS AND DRUG DEALERS CROSS THE STATE LINE WITH IMPUNITY.
There are over 40,000 deaths from drug overdoses in the United States each year, and computer databases like the one proposed can prevent some of these deaths.
It is so easy for someone to go from doctor to doctor, a lot of times with the same prescription, and gain any amount of drugs they please with great ease. People come from other states to Florida just to bring back hefty supplies to sell on the street.
We've seen a shift in the types of drugs people talk about. More and more young people are becoming addicted today to pills like Oxycontin, Xanax and others. One mistake, and it's over.

Saturday, 5 February 2011

Dating in Early Recovery

"Active alcoholics don't have relationships, they take hostages" - Unknown

If we could go back in history and examine hieroglyphics from an ancient recovery meeting (if there were such a thing,) I suspect there would be some version of “thou shalt wait to date” on at least one of them. This has long been very sound advice for people who are in early sobriety, and for good reason. But telling a person in early recovery to avoid dating for the first year is like telling a person not to date in the workplace – sure, it’s not a good idea, but when people are around each other on a regular basis, there's bound to be some hook-ups.

The problem is that these unions rarely work out and more often than not they leave one injured party. For 'normal' people, this might be something that they can chalk up to experience and move on, but for the alcoholic or addict it can be deadly. You might think these words are a little extreme, but the fact is, we are not wired like normal people and when a broken relationship leaves us hurt and feeling used our tendency is to reach for our drug of choice, and for some of us to use again is to die.

But, a person telling us that it’s a bad idea doesn’t seem to faze us - we think that just because we aren’t using anymore, we’re ready to enter into all kinds of unions, from raunchy rendezvous to domestic bliss. We want to feel loved again, spiritually and physically, to have that wild fling or comforting caress. I know how strong the pull can be, but I also know how badly things can turn out and unfortunately, most of us learn the hard way. After looking and feeling like the walking dead for so long, we tend to jump in with both feet if someone is even remotely attracted to us. And then, suddenly we have a new purpose in life! This works wonders while things are going well with the relationship, but what happens when the new center of our universe does the unthinkable and breaks up with us? The odds are good that we’ll lose our focus, that the bottom will fall out of our perfect new world. Suddenly we’re watching Fatal Attraction and craving rabbit stew. We go back to our old ways, analyzing every conversation we had with our new ex, thinking “If only I’d done this or done that.” Our insecurities come back with a vengeance, and the idea of taking a drink or a drug isn’t usually far behind.
It’s hard to stay out of the dating game, but try to remember that we’re putting ourselves in a dangerous position by getting into a new relationship that can leave us hurt. We don’t know how to handle arguments and break-ups without alcohol or drugs, and we’re going to be tempted to turn to using when things get rough. Against the advice of many, I got into a relationship during early recovery with someone who was also new to sobriety, and when things went south, I went straight to the liquor store. I was one of these people that always drank concerning relationships, whether I broke it off or they did, but this knowledge didn’t stop me from doing it. Mostly, it was because I loved the attention, no matter what the consequences.
Very often, men and women in early recovery don’t just decide to date; they decide to date each other. It's a bad idea to date anyone, but two newcomers dating are like two horny teenagers getting together, and the chances are very good that lust will get confused with love. We seem to be drawn to each other because we ‘get’ what the other is going through, but what we don’t know is that our judgment is clouded - we are not emotionally sober. ‘Emotional Sobriety’ in very basic terms, refers to a person’s ability to recognize if they have an unhealthy dependency on another person or thing and therefore unhealthy expectations. Having an expectation can lead to resentment - which can be deadly for any alcoholic or addict - especially a newcomer.
Unfortunately, two newcomers getting together is only one dating scenario, there’s also the case when a newcomer is attracted to a person who already has some time in recovery. During one of my failed attempts at sobriety, I met someone who had almost three years since his last drink. I only had three months myself, and anyone who could go a few years between cocktails was a winner in my book. It never entered my head that he could have other issues.

We started a relationship, and although I had a weird feeling about him, I pushed it aside because I was getting attention. It felt great just to be wanted. However, his affection quickly turned to an unhealthy need for control, which erupted into heated arguments and subsequently led to both of us drinking. The first time he relapsed, he became violent in a way that I’d never imagined he was capable. I was beaten black and blue, nursing a deep cut in my throat from being held down at knifepoint. It was a few days later, after being beaten unconscious numerous times, that I was finally able to escape to a safe house.
The problem was, I had no idea about emotional sobriety at the time and had already deemed myself ready to date. He could have been an axe murderer for all I knew, and it turned out that he very nearly was. But all I saw was a man with three years in recovery, and that amounted to an FBI background check in my mind. The weird feeling I had about him was an intuitive thought that was screaming “this isn’t right!” But, I chose to ignore it so I could get my needs met.
I did, however, learn valuable lessons from those bad dating choices and one of them was that I should have listened to the suggestions I was given by the people who had been there and done it before. Dating in early recovery is a bad idea, whether it’s another newcomer, another person with time in recovery or a ‘normal’ person. People can give the illusion that they work a perfect program or live the perfect life, but their actions will speak volumes about who they really are.

For example, it’s a huge red flag when someone who has time in recovery (more than a year) is dating newcomers, it's considered 'Thirteenth Stepping'. It's an unwritten rule in the rooms of recovery that we should not date a newcomer. And if someone is doing this, then chances are they aren't working a solid program or they'd be following this rule. It's also not a good sign if the person we are dating is controlling and manipulative - whether they are in recovery or not. The point is, there are people who have moral and behavioral issues that have nothing to do with alcohol or drugs and when we are not yet well ourselves, we’re hardly ready to judge who is safe and healthy from who isn’t.

Obviously, there are exceptions when people do the right thing, and in those cases it can work out. A sponsor told me a story about a man with quite a few years in recovery who was attracted to a female newcomer. After looking around for some advice from people with long-term sobriety, he asked the newcomer if she’d consider dating him when she had gone through the Twelve Steps and reached one year of sobriety. She agreed, and after her one year sobriety birthday, they began a relationship. They celebrated their twenty-fifth wedding anniversary a few years ago.

Try to remember, that in the first year of recovery especially - we are sick people getting well and we need to concerntrate on our recovery - not on another person. I may have kissed my fair share of toads, but I was certainly no princess either and two sick people getting together does not make one healthy relationship. Keep this in mind as you consider dating and ask yourself what is more important – romance or recovery? And don’t worry, there will be plenty of time for another romance down the line, but not all of us have another recovery.

Friday, 4 February 2011

Addiction relapse: Part of chronic illness




By Elizabeth Landau, CNN
February 3, 2011 12:43 p.m. EST





Actor Charlie Sheen must realize that his problem is of the mind, body and spirit, experts say.




STORY HIGHLIGHTS
The brain needs at least a year to recover from heavy alcohol or cocaine use
Relapsed addicts need to first realize that what they were doing before isn't working
Group environment for rehab has been shown to be effective


(CNN) -- Actor Charlie Sheen has begun at least his fourth stint in rehab after he was taken from his home to a hospital by ambulance last week.
He was "very, very intoxicated, also apparently in a lot of pain" on Thursday, according to a 911 call from a doctor who had just talked to the actor.
Given that addiction is a chronic disorder, it's not unexpected that someone like Sheen would relapse multiple times, said Kathryn Cunningham, director of Center for Addiction Research at the University of Texas Medical Branch in Galveston, Texas.
And while rehab programs might last a few months, brain imaging studies have shown that among cocaine and alcohol addicts, the function of neurons in the brain doesn't return to normal for a year or even longer, Cunningham said.
"It's really difficult to be a family member or a loved one and have to deal with someone who seems like they're never going to get better," Cunningham said. "But they can, and it does."
It takes a number of strategies to get a person to stay clean for a long period of time, she said.
Experts say relapsed addicts need to first realize that what they were doing before isn't working.




It's really difficult to be a family member or a loved one and have to deal with someone who seems like they're never going to get better. But they can, and it does.
--Kathryn Cunningham, addiction expert



"What he should be doing is taking very seriously his problem, not trying to compartmentalize it or minimize it or trivialize it, but really to recognize that his is probably a problem of the mind, the body and the spirit," said William Moyers, vice president of foundation relations at the Hazelden Foundation, who worked for CNN as a journalist in the early 1990s.
At Hazelden, the primary treatment program for an alcoholic or drug addict lasts about 30 days. But if this is the second time or more, a longer treatment program of about two to five months is recommended, including intensive after-care treatment.
That longer regimen includes a lot of one-on-one counseling, group therapy and perhaps psychiatric and psychological options if there is a co-occurring mental disorder, Moyers said. Medication is used in some cases.
Group therapy is crucial to put a patient in an environment of people who are both empathetic and examples of recovery, Moyers said. Hearing the experiences of other people often gives hope and helps the healing process.
"At the end of the day, (Sheen's) ability to recover depends on his willingness to be part of a larger experience, and that larger experience will include group therapy and recovery meetings," Moyers said.
The group environment "provides an opportunity for caring confrontation from peers and the knowledge that others can understand what they are going through rather than experiencing the shame of isolation," said Lynn McKnight, manager of clinical services at Crossroads Centre, a rehab facility in Antigua started by musician Eric Clapton, who himself struggled with drugs.
"Research shows that ongoing recovery is most successful with long-term connections to community, self-help groups and appropriate medical management," she said.
She has seen people who've repeatedly gone through the revolving door of detox and rehab, with seemingly no hope. But some turn over a new leaf after multiple tries.


Charlie Sheen in private rehab



Behind the scenes of Sheen 911 call




RELATED TOPICS
Drug Addiction
Charlie Sheen
Celebrity News
Addiction and Recovery


"What makes the difference?" McKnight asked. "I think it is about surrender and release. Surrendering to the concept of powerlessness over their chronic disease and realizing that they cannot do it alone."
Some patients realize that they've been living in denial or minimizing their problems.
"Whether that means relying on a higher power, 12-step program or the group process, or help from a professional -- not trying to do it by will power alone is key," she said. "This is actually empowering in a paradoxical sort of way."
She said people who get to "the point of being willing to do whatever it takes to get and stay clean" usually get involved in self-help meetings.
Recovery is a lifelong experience and must be done in conjunction with others, Moyers said.
Sheen was court-ordered to enter rehab in 1998 and again in 2010. He also voluntarily checked into a rehab facility in February 2010"as a preventive measure," his publicist said at that time.
For Sheen's treatment, he is reportedly doing his rehab privately, according to People magazine. His publicist Stan Rosenfield did not confirm or deny this in a statement:
"In compliance with the national health privacy laws (HIPAA), no further information relating to Charlie Sheen's health or his rehab experience will be released without his written permission. I can say that all of us who know Charlie care about him very much. We will support him in any we can in this journey, beginning by respecting his privacy."
It's sad that when someone relapses, "they're automatically considered damned and failed," but when someone who is obese and diabetic eats a gallon of ice cream, the expectation is that he or she can try again, Cunningham said. The addict and the chronic overeater should be viewed the same, and they both have potential to change their harmful habits, she said.
Having supportive people around you is essential to recovery, Cunningham said.
"The bottom line is that Charlie Sheen can recover, whether he gets help at home or in a hospital, but he'll only recover if he realizes that he doesn't have to do it by himself," Moyers said

Wednesday, 26 January 2011

Why should I do all the recovery demands?

What’s my motivation? The answer is this: Remember how much your addiction hurt. If you don’t do the work, your addiction will bleed through a thousand wounds all over again. What we know is that active addiction hurts every time. The consequences get worse and our lives fall apart. We make excuses but that is our old enemy denial just getting in the way one more time. Your addiction is out in the parking lot doing push ups. It is cunning, baffling, powerful and very patient. I relapse because I fail to remember the pain that addiction costs me. The cost goes up each time I relapse. What happens is that I forget. I forget the price I would have to pay.

Think of your last relapse:

What happened?

What is the lesson?

Forgetting about the cost of relapse is not like forgetting a phone number. It is like playing Russian roulette. We got complacent and careless. We began to listen to our addiction talking to us. We forget what addiction costs us when we allow the addcition to take over one more time. The nature of addiction is suffering, pain, loss, waste and tragedy.

No one relapses without first forgetting the cost!

Take the sick and tired moment as being the moment of change and learn to never forget.

Friday, 12 November 2010

Heroin snaring more of suburbia’s youth - Kansas City Star

By MARÁ ROSE WILLIAMS
The Kansas City Star
More News
Heroin snaring more of suburbia’s youth

The smell of smoke at 4 a.m. abruptly woke Kristin and sent her rushing down to the kitchen.

She found mini tacos burning to a crisp in the oven — and her 20-year-old daughter sitting on the floor, head hung forward, arms limp.

“The first thing out of my mouth was, ‘What is wrong with you, is your blood sugar low?’” Kristin recalled frantically asking the former Olathe high school cheerleader and gymnast.

It wasn’t the sugar in her blood that was wrong. It was the heroin. The girl was nodding in its warm embrace.

The story is one of several catching the attention of authorities and area drug abuse counselors this year.

The problem has shown up in New York, Illinois, Alabama, New Mexico, Wisconsin, Utah and Washington state. Heroin use is on the rise among suburban youth, experts say, and although the numbers are still small, spikes in overdoses and even deaths show an alarming trend.

In Blue Springs, police dealt with five cases of heroin and youth in October after half a decade of seeing none.

In many cases, the way was paved by other opiates, the Oxycontin or Vicodin painkillers, often swiped from a medicine cabinet. But parents have become more alert to possible misuse.

While painkillers can run to $40 to $60 a pill, a bag of heroin, which produces a more intense high, is $5 to $10.

No trips on Interstate 35 to either Kansas City were necessary. The daughter said her dealer lived two blocks from Kristin’s upper-middle-class home in the 66062 zip code.

When told the truth, it was Kristin’s turn on the floor.

“I shrank on to the kitchen floor in to the fetal position,” Kristin said. “I had no strings. I lost it. I was afraid my daughter was going to die.

“I couldn’t believe it. If you could see my daughter you would never believe it, either. A blond-haired, blue-eyed California girl. Shooting up every other day? Not my girl.”

•••

The street heroin of the 1960s and ’70s was about 30 percent pure. Today, it’s often 60 percent, making it possible to smoke or snort.

Two years ago, the parents of Blue Valley Northwest High School graduate Brett Hayes found their 20-year-old son against the sink in his bathroom, the needle still in his arm, dead of an overdose.

Johnson County sheriff’s deputies listed him as one of 24 heroin overdoses and one of five deaths that year. The first five months of 2009 is the latest data they have compiled. In those months, 22 overdoses and six deaths were recorded.

The problem is steadily growing, said David Brown, a drug and alcohol abuse counselor in Olathe. “This year alone we did intervention on three young heroin addicts.”

His wife, Lucy Brown, also a drug-abuse counselor at Avenues to Recovery, added that the addicts were “children from intact homes where the parents make a comfortable living. These kids drive nice cars and have access to cash.”

Police indicated the problem had not surfaced in every suburb yet. Many said they were mostly battling other drugs, and saw keggers replaced by “pharm parties,” where teenagers pour a bottle of pilfered pills into a bowl.

•••

Maureen’s left arm is riddled with three years of scar tracks, “a daily reminder” of the injections, eventually 20 times a day.

As an Olathe high-schooler, she bought meds, such as Oxycontin, from classmates. Thus introduced to the feel of opiates, teens feel more comfortable with the idea of heroin.

Maureen said she kept a 3.7 grade-point average and was into photography.

It was as a freshman at the University of Kansas that she graduated to heroin, dropping out before her sophomore year.

“I started out snorting it and then injected it. It turned into a daily necessity,” she said. “I needed to use every day or I couldn’t get out of bed. It was a big obsession in my life.”

By 20, she was living out of her car and trying to satisfy a $200-a-day habit.

“There were a lot of us on the street,” she said of her fellow users. “We’d park our cars in Wal-Mart lots to sleep.”

Once hooked on black tar heroin, said Lucy Brown, “they are no longer involved with their school environment anymore. When they start using heroin they are exposed to a different population, and they want to be close to their source.”

Black tar heroin, predominantly from Mexico, is crudely made, with color that varies from dark brown to black.

Maureen: “I knew what I was doing was not healthy but all the people I was socializing with were using it.”

She worked periodically but could not hold a job.

“I either didn’t show up or I stole from them,” she said.

At first she was able to keep the secret from her “normal loving family” who lived in an upper-middle-class Olathe neighborhood.

When she told them about her heroin use, she got clean through rehabilitation and a prescribed substitute. But she fell back into her habit and her family had enough.

“I was using in their house. They asked me to get help or get out. All I wanted to do was get high so I left,” she said.

By the time she decided again that she had to get help, “I had stopped eating or sleeping. I ended up in the hospital and I was really sick,” Maureen said. “I was 100 pounds and my liver and my kidneys were damaged. I was either going to get better or I was going to die, and I didn’t want to die.”

Today Maureen is eight months clean and living amid recovery counselors and supporters in California. She will return to Johnson County, but “not until I get a better foundation for myself.”

She said she has heard that friends have younger brothers and sisters addicted to heroin.

“They tell me it is really bad.” said Maureen. “Sad.”

•••

The rise of heroin among suburban youth is more disturbing considering its decline among adults. Because fewer adults are involved now, the dealers tend to be other teens. Teens also are more likely to overdose, experts said.

Area high school officials said they had caught students smoking marijuana and possessing prescription drugs, but not with heroin yet.

“We have not seen a big outbreak of heroin use among students,” said Sgt. Brian Wessling, supervisor of Olathe school resource officers. Still, he said, officers “are looking for it,” and last year underwent training to spot signs of use. The canine unit that roams Olathe high school parking lots on drug searches is a big deterrent, he said.

“It’s only a matter of time before national trends hit the Midwest,” Wessling said. “We want to stay in front of that.”

Johnson County leaders launched a school initiative to alert children and parents to the danger.

•••

Kristin, who works in the medical field, was in denial even as she helped her 90-pound daughter up from the floor on taco night.

“Kids are master liars,” she said.

Yes, the kid, at 16, had been caught by police for marijuana possession. A phase, she and her husband told themselves. Later they would learn she had lifted painkillers prescribed to Kristin’s husband.

But she never fathomed her child’s slow, “air-head-like” speech was caused by heroin.

“Heroin, that’s a junkie drug,” Kristin thought. It’s an opiate that most associate with shabby apartments and dark alleys in the city core.

When Kristin mustered the courage to ask her daughter whether she was using heroin, “She told me she couldn’t go two days without it.”

The daughter has been more than half a year at a rehab center in California. Kristin said she wanted her to stay until she was clean at least a year.

“It is very devastating to the family,” she said. “I was afraid my daughter was going to die.”

It took all the strength Kristin could muster to give her daughter the ultimatum to get out of the house or let her parents help. She said she was glad she did not wait for her daughter to reach some “unidentifiable rock bottom.”

She and her husband blamed one another for not seeing the signs. Now they regularly attend group meetings for families of addicts.

“I’m in my own recovery,” Kristin said. “We had a false sense of security, thinking that just because you live in the suburbs and you send your kids to good schools. … Who would ever dream that their kid would start snorting heroin, much less, shoot up?”

Signs that a child might have a drug problem
•Drug paraphernalia — dirty spoons, syringes, pieces of burned foil, straws.
•Droopy appearance, as if extremities are heavy.

•Disorientation, poor mental functioning.

•Constricted pupils/pale, pasty skin.

• Apathy and/or lethargy. Nodding off.

•Eyes appear “lost” or have faraway look.

•Slurred speech.

•Nausea.

•Runny nose.

•Unkempt appearance/hygiene issues.

•Wearing long sleeves in warm weather.

•Missing cash or valuables, borrowing money.

•Change in performance — academic or otherwise.

•Unexplained absences at work, school or family events.

•Lying/deception

•Change in friends

•Withdrawal from usual activities or interests.

•Broken commitments

•Hostility

To contact Mará Rose Williams, call 816-234-4419 or send e-mail to mdwilliams@kcstar.com.

Posted on Fri, Nov. 12, 2010 12:06 AM