by Avenues to Recovery Inc. on Sunday, March 27, 2011 at 11:06pm
Dan it was really wonderful to meet you yesterday. Your book was a
breakthrough for me as I have spent the last 30 years figuring out how
to be a man and how to help other men embrace their masculinity. I
have had some success and the work is incredible and rewarding. Many
years ago I was similarly impressed by Robert Bly's book " Iron John"
and that was a seminal work for me. So here we are in the here and now
and I wanted to share with you.
While I was listening to you yesterday I sent my 41 year old son who
lives in England a text and asked him to make me a list of words that
described masculinity. He is used to my stuff and so dutifully and so
he answered with the following:
Real
True
Firm
Brutal
Humble
Honest
Frank
Genuine
Humorous
Patient
Caring
Nurturing
Sensitive
Empathetic
Committed
Consistent
Present
Masculine
Ugly
Brave
What is amazing about this is that he was a victim of my alcoholism
and was lost to me for 38 years as his mother and I had problems and
she basically disappeared. The impact of that was that was the trauma
that fueled my addictions. I looked for him over the years but it was
not until I was well enough in sobriety that I was ready to get on
with this and to accept it for what it was. The shame used to paralyze
and this was a story that I was unable to tell or to feel. So your
presentation yesterday was so telling on so many levels and it really
resonated. Two years ago we were able to reunite and we as two men
have been able to accept each other honestly, openly and willingly. It
has been a miracle and is one of those things where I say to myself
that I am glad that I did not leave the rooms until the miracle
happened. It has happened and "coincidently" I received an email from
Paul yesterday which read:
"So here's a mad thing. Around 2 years ago today I got an email from a
man I'd not seen in person for 38 years. A man I'd given up on ever
seeing again. My Dad, David Brown. Now, I know there is much pain and
suffering in the world today but the thing this experience has taught
me is to believe in hope. You cannot now tell me miracles don't
happen, they do and I need to thank the angels that worked to enable
this reunion"'
In thinking about the masculinity aspect of this it amazes me that
Paul has been able to work through a lot of the stuff that he must
have been left with. He has worked hard and by the grace of God he
seems not to have adopted the family male stance on addiction. He can
take it or leave it and is resilient. He was also impressed by the
Iron John book and he actually gave me his copy as we both now realize
that our reading the book was about trying to answer questions about
loss and abandonment.
Dan thanks for appearing in my life and being the next teacher that I
needed . I would love to talk to you some more as I think we can help
each other. Lets talk sometime and I can add some more meat to the
skeleton of the story that I have been able to share with you here.
Wow Dan.....thanks! Hope you dont mind my sharing but it seemed to be
so right to share especially in light of the fact that I was unable to
share any of this from 1971 - 1984 at which point I began selectively
to heal.
I understand from Crystal that she bought your syllabus which I am
really excited to look at and she and I are are going to collaborate
on way to see how we can work with you professionally in the Drug
Court in Kansas City, Kansas where my company acts as the treatment
provider.
The attached pic is self explanatory.....that was on day 1 of our
reunion in June of 2009!
David Brown, AAPS, BRI 1
Cell: 913-486-8119
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